Through it all........

In frenzy of what has been a crazy couple of days....yesterday I just had this extremely unsettled feeling. Like that yucky unsettled feeling. You know you just know something isn't right and you will do whatever it takes to make it go away?

So what do I do?  What I do so many days....Try the best I can to look at one task in front of me at a time and think once all these things are checked off of my "to do" list for the day this unsettled feeling will go away. I will work on things I can change. Things I can accomplish. Everything else just let it go. Just gotta get this stuff accomplished. Off we go. Gotta get to the Drs office to get a prescription bc they won't just call it in. 2 kids in tow one with the broken arm (and he's not thrilled to not be on the couch watching movies.) I get to the Drs office greeted with a sign "closed for lunch." Story of my life people! "Of course you are closed for an hour and 20min for lunch and I just need a piece of paper! And of course your office is totally on the opposite side of town from everything else I have to do today! Ahhhhh!!!!!!" Load kids back in car. 

Head to Target to get together the lego basket for kids school and auction. I remember that I have to drop back by the house and grab a Rodan Fields donated basket (thanks Jessica Watts) also for auction. And grab the 25 raffle tickets that have been sold and still need names and numbers on all of them. Get all this, back in car, get on the other side of town, like way away from Target and my brain clicks in "where are you going!!??" Ahh!!!!!! I'm supposed to be going to Target! 

Get the car going in the right direction and song enters my mind...."through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you, through it all, through it all, it is well. Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you, it is well....with me." 

And my stubborn argument with HIM begins..."Is it!!!!!? (He is very patient with me) Is it well God!!!!? Bc????!!????? Are my eyes on you!?  Bc????? I mean God I want them to be on you...BUT....my eyes don't even know where I am or where I'm supposed to be going!!!??? I can't flipping get across town!? Jesus, I'm pretty sure my brain is just telling me...Drive!! Run away! Just drive and don't look back!!!" We laugh. (Or at least I imagine He laughs at me....bc I'm def laughing at my inability to get to the right side of town!) I mean seriously..should I be allowed to drive people around in my car!??  

But alas...I start to sing....like literally ask my kids....I kept singing that chorus all day...asking Him to make it my prayer, to change my heart.  "Help me know it and feel it and may it do away with this unsettled feeling despite my to do list today." 

"Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you. Through it all, through it all...it is well. Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you, it is well, with....me." 

I'm happy to report I made it to Target!! Took me a sec to remember what I had come there for but that's just bc it's Target! I mean let's be real. "Oh! That's a cute dress! Ah! Those boots...yyyeeeaaasss!" Oh! Right! Lego Basket. Ok...lego Basket, lego Basket. 

"Through it all, through it all my eyes are on you. Through it all, through it all...it is well. Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you, it is well, with....me." 

Now where is a flipping basket big enough for these Lego's! 

Phone rings. Sweet sweet lady and friend on the other end Evie Plot: "Terri what can I do for you? Is there anything, any small thing that I can do for you?" I start to offer all my thank you's and I was so grateful for just the call. This is totally what kind of community I am surrounded by! I am so lucky that this phone call is not out of the ordinary for my community at Crosspoint Community Church. It's just who we are. It's just who the people are. We are family. I was standing in Target all crazy and feeling so lucky that my phone rings with people on the other end like this! And I also at the same time KNOW I could have picked up my phone and called a ton of people and asked them to help me that day and I would have received help! Just ah-mazing! Not everyone has that. And I LOVE MY COMMUNITY/FAMILY!

After saying thank you and feeling so grateful I start laughing (He is very, very patient with me! :)) I told Evie "I am sure there is something but if I could only get one step far enough
 ahead of myself to only be able to see what I need to even tell you????" I told her about my
car trying to get to Target and ending up on the wrong side of town! "So I just don't know...but thank you!" Hang up.

"Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you. Through it all, through it all.... it is well. Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you...it is well, with....me." 

Retrieve basket. It's time to retrieve other kiddos from school. I start to drive to school to pick up kid A. Ok...in my car I have lego basket put together and ready..check. I have bag of 25 auction tickets filled out and ready to turn in...check. I have donor basket...check. Ok just need to get kids. 

"AHHHHH!!! And then I have to go back across town and get the prescription! AHHHH!!!!"

No! Wait! EVIE!! Sent text. DONE! Amazing! Amazing people! I tell ya! UNREAL!!! THank you Jesus! 

"Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you. Through it all, through it all...it is well. Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you...it is well, with....me."

So I retrieve both kiddos, drop everything off. DONE! I'm done. Still feel unsettled. 

Go for a run. 

Husband has to go out the door for a meeting. So i pull out dinner, baths, and bedtime flying solo. Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you. 

"Through it all, through it all my eyes are on you. Through it all, through it all it is well. Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you, through it all though it all it is well, with....me." 

Running plans for my clients! That's what it is! I gotta get those done as soon as the kiddos are asleep. Ok no worries, I always do them at night though?? So wonder why that is making me so unsettled. We will tackle that and this yucky unsettled feeling will stop for today. 

Running plans completed. 

Still unsettled. UGH! 

"God, what is it!!?? I am trying. I AM TRYING! guess it's just all the emotions of what has been "lately" and I guess there's a lot going on that I can't change so this is what is for now. 

Exhausted as I lay down and one more prayer for the day...

"Through it all, through it all my eyes are on you. Through it all, through it all it is well. Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you, through it all though it all it is well, with....me." 

Woken up at 4am....3yr old with a cast on his arm....one of the sweetest voices in the world...but I am oh! I AM SOOOOO EXHAUSTED!! 

"mommy make the itchy stop!" "Oh! buddy I can't make the itchy stop." 

Stumble to the kitchen and get the bottle brush (don't judge)..throw the 3yr old (ok not really throw....I mean his arm is broken), gently lay the 3yr old boy in my bed, give him medicine for the mild fever that he has had the past 3 nights from the shock of the fracture, and proceed to scratch under the cast with the bottle brush. I am so tired! So so tired. Conscious enough now at this point to remember that I still feel so yucky unsettled and decided the unsettle is just pure exhaustion and for now it is what it is. 

Place 3yr old back in his bed praying that medicine kicks in long enough for the itchy to stop. Stumble back to bed and start to doze off. 

And there in the stillness of the night...in my almost back asleep..there it is...that still small voice. "NO, TERRI.....I was singing that to YOU!

"THROUGH IT ALL, THROUGH IT ALL MY EYES ARE ON YOU!!!
THROUGH IT ALL, THROUGH IT ALL
IT IS WELL!
THROUGH IT ALL, THROUGH IT ALL,
MY EYES ARE ON YOU.......
IT IS WELL.....
WITH YOU!"

What a sweet sweet sweet intimate Father!!!!? I mean, what a sweetness!!! My circumstances did not change. I still have a sandy brown hair, deep dark brown eyed three year old upstairs with a broken arm. The to do list in a few hours will start to add up as the sun rises and a new day begins. I am still tired. Life is still hard. Emotions are still raw. There are things I still cannot change. BUT there is a difference that came in the wee hours of the morning. HE SPOKE in that still, quite, intimate and gentle way a Father does..... 

"Through it all through it all my eyes are on YOU. Through it all through it all IT IS WELL. Through it all through it all my eyes are on you. it is well with YOU!"

 And just like that...the unsettled yuckiness is no more. Just a silent whispered deep breath in, deep breath out response from me "Ahhhh!!!! I get it now! WOW! Just WOW! YOUR eyes are on ME. It is well with me indeed. What a good good FATHER!"