REST!!??

So during my daily time in the word tonight and writing in my journal I was overwhelmed with this burden of..."God, I have no idea how to rest in you??" I have so much on my mind....so many things I am doing...so many things I want to be...so many things I want to become...so many things I want to take care of.....and with all this rolling around in my wonderful little head :)...tonight was the night that I just stopped and thought...."I truly have no idea how to lay all of these hopes, desires, concerns, visions, and aspirations down and just rest!

This began to trouble me because I thought-- if I am being completely honest with myself this is totally a reflection of a lack of faith in my Father!! And I wanted to fight this realization because I thought "of course I have faith in God!" I know that I am nothing without HIM...I know that I can do nothing on my own and I NEED His guiding and loving hand to give me strength, discipline, and unconditional love! But I do not REST in Him (and I so desperately need rest) and I know that He can give it to me so..why do I not do this and how do I go about finding this peace??

I felt God saying you need to spend more time with me! And again I have to be totally honest...my response..."God sometimes that just feels like another thing on my to-do list!" I know...sounds terrible! At the end of the day things have just piled up and piled up and I am carry all these things around! I have strive to do my best and live every moment of the day to the fullest (working unto the Lord not unto man). Than 8:00pm comes...finally things are quiet...the kids are asleep...I fall down feeling slightly overwhelmed but confident that today was another successful and productive day but I begin to analyze- Did I do everything I should have done for that person? Did my children get enough attention? Oh, yeah I forgot to do that and catch up on that? And before I even relax the to-do list for tomorrow has already begun!! And God wants me to just spend time with Him??? My assignments for the day are not done yet? All my duties have not been fulfilled yet? My check list still has one thing left to be marked completed? REALLY?? I can't take it!!! I just need to lay all this...STUFF... down somewhere and REST!!!!!!!

To find this peace God must not become part of a check list! He must not become something to accomplish! He must not become a duty to fulfill! He has to be the beginning! He has to be everything! We must relish in His company! We must meditate on His righteousness! We must bask in His splendor! We must sit at his feet and just REST!

Can you imagine what kind of reaction I would get from my husband if I told him "I do not feel like spending time with you because my plate is so full that it is just another thing for me to do!!??" WOW!! Talk about rejection! That is saying all these other "things" are more important than you. All these other "things" are occupying my time, attention, and affection and I just cannot possibly squeeze another thing onto the schedule for today! I know that I am failing you and I know that I should just sit and be with you but maybe when things calm down we can get to that?? Rejection-rejection-rejection!

God forgive me for doing this! Continue to renew my mind and heart-- change me from the inside out--Give me REST...and he ever so gently responds......."I forgive you my child now...... Be still and KNOW that I AM GOD!!!!!"

I was posting stuff in Hindi!!!

Yep...that's right!! I started this blog and somehow I had set up my settings to enable what I typed to be translated from English to Hindi!!! HILARIOUS!!! Probably not funny to you but when I started frieking out and my husband comes over to simply change the settings and it said from English to Hindi... I lost it!!!:) I am not that techno challenged but he is still picking on me as I type this!! Hold on let me tell him to shut up....ok that is better.:) (as he continues to laugh under his breath)

So I am 28 today!!! Not really sure how I feel about that...haven't thought a whole lot about it. Today like most days has been full and busy not much time to slow down and actually do that thinking thing...until now. So I guess as I sit here and type- all I can think about is..."how did I get so lucky?" I got tons of phone calls today, tons of messages on facebook, and several text messages wishing me a Happy Birthday! Each person means so much to me!! Some of the relationships with people have just begun...some are long time friends-practically from the womb...there are those that you could say we "used" to be really close but time, circumstances, and just life has led us to drift apart!! But each person just reminded me I am so surrounded by people from all walks of my life that have influenced me...loved me unconditionally...challenged me...encouraged me...celebrated with me...and when times called for it cried with me (or they just let me blubber like an idiot)!! :)

God is amazing and He has so blessed me with the best 28 years a girl could ask for! Even in the things that caused pain and even when things were stripped away...my life is marvelous!! And I owe it all to my creator!! I pray that everyday I will become more and more what I was created to be...and that I will learn to lay down my life for the cause of Christ in all situations...and in all circumstances!! I pray that He will make much of himself through me!!! If I drew my last breath tomorrow...I have so richly been blessed beyond measure!!

Half-Marathon!!

May 16, 2010 ran my first half marathon in Cary, NC!!! I had been training for 4 months and crossing that finish line was one of the most amazing feelings in the world!! I actually got tears in my eyes-it might have just been because I just ran 13.1 miles and I was exhausted :) but either way the sense of accomplishment was overwhelming!! :) There is something about setting a goal that only "you" can accomplish and meeting it that gives you this crazy high!! I mean I had amazing support from my husband who never complained during training and he would simply reply "how far you going today?" But I had to decide to put the shoes on...I had to decide to run when all I wanted to do was take a nap...I had to decide the pain was worth crossing that finish line!!! And when all was said and done and every step had been ran-there was no headline telling the world what "Terri Sherrard had just accomplished!" there was no announcement or a lot of people standing at the finish line to congratulate me...there was just me, (and my amazing husband of course), my sore legs, my throbbing ankles, and my Addidas gel shoes, and a lot of sweat!! But the sense of finality...the sense of success...and like I said before there was an overwhelming sense of accomplishment!! I have always loved running! The alone time...time to pray and sing songs to my Jesus (in my head of course)...time to listen to music that makes me smile or makes me think...time to put life in perspective! No matter what is going on in my life...I go for a long run...when I get back all of a sudden it is not that big of a deal! It is a source of comfort for me and a source of releasing frustrations and stress! I never imagined I would actually train for a half-marathon! 6 miles was my limit! And I had always thought after running 6 miles I cannot imagine turning around and running that again-plus one more mile!! But here I am! I done did it! Yes, I said that....I done did it!! Now to train for a marathon!! I can say that when I finished the half-marathon I thought..."I cannot imagine turning around and doing that again!" Maybe I will prove myself wrong once again....we shall see!!!